This page was created in response to the many people who repeatedly ask me the same questions I have heard all my life.  Basically let me start by saying I'm an enigma.  My close friends know me as one of the wildest, strangest people they know.  Everyone else thinks I'm just a shy, quiet person who keeps to himself.  Those who see this website and expect me to be the "life of the party" will have to wait until they know me much better. 

Question #1: Why don't you smile more?

    I don't sit around consciously worrying about what sort of look is on my face at any given time.  If I smile I smile and it is not because I am an intrinsically good or bad person.  I'm definitely not one of those people who can wear a big fake smile all the time.

Question #2:  Why are you so independent and spend so little time with family or friends?

   How the hell should I know?   Does a snake know why it bites people?  I just do and say what I want.  I am far more comfortable by myself at all times.  I prefer to speak to large groups instead of one on one.  I always pick the vegetables out of my pizza and jiggle the handle three times when I flush.

Question #3:  Why have you stopped dating?

   I have always tried to look at the big picture in life.  For me there are only 3 things that can happen when I date someone. 1) we fall in love, get married, and have children 2) we date for awhile and break up 3) we end up pissed off at one another for whatever reason. Right now all three of these possibilities suck.  They end up costing me my freedom, happiness, money, self-respect, and/or friendship.  I like being single so I can watch other people act like idiots and make themselves miserable.  I can honestly say I don't know of a single married person who seems to enjoy life the way they used to.   They never go out anymore, get fat, and just plain suck. 

  Question #4:  Are you on drugs?

    No, I have never really been into drugs.  I drink alcohol and sometimes get wired on coffee.  I like a good cigar now and then, but have never been a smoker either.  Most of my odd behavior is totally unexplainable by modern science.  

Question #5: If two trains leaving at 3:00 P.M. from Denver and New York City are traveling at 150 kilometers per hour when will they pass each other?

   First convert kilometers per hour to miles per hour.  Compensate for the fact that I don't give a shit and divide by the fact that I hate math.  Assume that one of the trains derails due to a terrorist bombing.  Therefore, they never actually pass one another and all calculations are now unnecessary.

Question #6:  What do you want to be when you grow up?

   What if I never grow up at all and instead choose to remain in my present  immature state of suspended animation.  Chances are I'll find myself in a nursing home someday still laughing at farts and pissing people off.  Is there anything wrong with that?  Who says I have to ever commit to anything long-term or please anyone but myself.

Question #7:  Why are you so vengeful  and always focused on having an enemy?

   I admit my thought processes and focus parallels that of Machiavelli.  Every day I see assholes getting their way and stepping on other people to do it.  I think most people just sit back and let more assertive people walk all over them.    It may sound weird, but many of my proudest accomplishments involve standing up for myself, my friends, or what I believe in.  I truly get a rush from confronting people who always get away with bullying others. 

  Question #8:  What do you plan to do Now that school is over?

   Whatever the hell I feel like doing.   I think the worst thing a person can do is limit themselves to one boring job or skill.  I will likely continue to travel all the time and change jobs like most people change underwear. In the short term I will save my money and work several fun, easy jobs. Within a few years I will move to another city and likely start my own small business. The plan is to see the world, get rich, stay single and avoid boredom at all costs.